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Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Entry for February 10, 2007: a film is forming

What is it with old men?
They seem to think that they know everything, even when it is excruciatingly obvious that they don’t.

They seem to have no idea about time management, as in…
We have an hour to finish three shots.
Up till now a ‘shot’ has taken us an ‘hour plus’ to finish,
but the old guy want’s to shoot just one more shot,
cause he’s not happy with one of his pieces.

He seems to have some sort of ‘time distortion’ thang going on where his minutes are five times longer then everyone else’s.
I think that my problem is that I keep forgetting that he is the centre of the universe.
At one point he had hoisted up a studio lamp, and was waving it through the air, cause a shadow was irritating him. The tutor had to keep repeating ‘you can’t hold a light above your head while we shoot a scene.’

Most old men seem to be like this.

I’m embarrassed to say, that at one point, the old guy (don’t feel sorry for the ‘old man’ - he is defiantly cashed up, works in construction, and spends big chunks of his time on adventure holidays around the world - This guy can look after himself) was behind a sheet of sound proof glass, and we all started bitching. Just like when your dad is over by the BBQ, dousing it in petrol, and everyone else in the family is grouped around the picnic table, complaining about the aftertaste gasoline gives the sausages.

Does this mean that guys like Sean and I suddenly become cantankerous old bastards when the snow is a little thick on the roof?

Sometimes I reckon I’m already turning.
Like this is the form that male menopause takes (or something?)
Will it be like Alzheimer’s and I won’t care that everyone around me thinks that I’m an arse?

It doesn’t help that I’ve started wondering what the heck happened to pop music, and that the TV seems to be filled with crap, and the dawning realisation that having a twenty one year old lover is an acceptable thing.
(I think that shagging a younger woman will defiantly arrest the slide into ‘single minded old bustard!’)

Anyhoo, we actually got the six shots that we needed on tape.
We were all happy at the end of the day…
despite finding that the camera had been set for sunlight for most of the indoor shoot.
That the headphones only sometimes worked so we’re pretty sure that we got audio.
That we had really dodgy ‘continuity’ (we all swapped jobs for each shot which didn’t help) so objects probably will appear and disappear from shot to shot.

Trainspotters will love our piece. ‘Can anyone spot something that didn’t move from shot to shot, other then the wall?’

As is always the case with such things, we were gelling as a team, just as the shooting was drawing to a close, and that special ‘sumptin sumptin’ that forms in the atmosphere around a group of people shooting a film (or putting on a play) was beginning to coalesce.

Tomorrow is ‘editing.’
Hooray for ‘let’s fix it in Post!’ which became our battle cry around two this afternoon.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Entry for January 30, 2007: Oz day 07

The country celebrated Australia Day last Friday.
I don't really do this 'flag thang.'
I like to think of the whole planet as my domain, rather then just one tiny corner roped off with border control.

I was down at the beach early cause the Google plane was doing a hires geo photo shoot.
There were a few people mulling around with signs lying on the ground.
The thing is, that we didn't see any plane fly over.
Read in the paper today (Tuesday) that the plane was diverted, as it might have interfered with the landing of commercial flights at the main airport.

That afternoon, I joined some mates down at the harbour to see a free gig by the Whitlams.
This is a short clip I took while down there.

Great group, good music, and proper lyrics that tell a story.
Interesting choice of band to perform for Sydneysiders celebrating Oz day.
I\u2019ve included some lyrics including the ones for the song in the video.

I've highlighted favourite bits.


(YEAR OF THE RAT) by WHITLAMS

Creeping into town with all these changes in my head
Funny how my old haunts all look new
A taxi from the airport to the Paris end of King
I'll drop my bags I'll see who's in

My dirty streets
My fabulous friends
Here I am
In your arms again


It's easy being famous in Sydney
Cause everyone's a star
But its got to be deepest darkest night
For you to see them all

There's beer and women even for the thinking man
Join the circus come on down
I've heard they'll even stop kicking you
Just before you hit the ground

My dirty streets
My fabulous friends
Yeah here I am
In your arms again
I'll get a shine-on
All night and day
You rough me up
Till I gotta get away

You know I love you but you try and kill me
Gotta hold your head up in the Year of the Rat
Newtown I love you but you try and kill me
Gotta hold your head up in the Year of the Rat
Tat, a tat-tat, tat

Second rower with the earpiece and the rumble in his eye
Making sure that I don't stumble, wishes all the freaks die
Over there a plain-clothes cop looking at his watch a lot
Wondering is it time to call in the dogs

My dirty streets
My fabulous friends
Here I am
In your arms again
I'll get a shine-on
All night and day
You rough me up
Till I gotta get away

You know I love you but you try and kill me
Gotta hold your head up in the Year of the Rat
Newtown I love you but you try and kill me
Gotta hold your head up in the Year of the Rat
Tat, a tat-tat, tat

You know I love you but you try and kill me
You know I love you but you try and kill me, yeah



BLOW UP THE POKIES


There was the stage, two red lights and a dodgy P.A.,
You trod the planks way back then,
And it's strange that you're here again, here again.

And I wish I, wish I knew the right words,
To make you feel better, walk out of this place.
Defeat them in your secret battle,
Show them you can be your own man again.
Don't, don't explain, lots of little victories take on the pain,
It takes so long to earn, you can double up or you can burn, you can burn.

Chorus
And I wish I, wish I knew the right words,
To blow up the pokies and drag them away.
Cause they're taking the food off your table,
So they can say that the trains run on time.
Flashing lights, it's a real show, and your wife? I wouldn't go home,
The little bundles need care and you can't be a father there, father there.

And I wish I, wish I knew the right words,
To blow up the pokies and drag them away.
Cause they're taking the food off your table,
So they can say that the trains run on time.

Another man there was made the trains run on time.


YOU GOTTA LOVE THIS CITY

You gotta love this city, love this city, you gotta love this city
You gotta love this city, love this city, you gotta love this city
Too sick for breakfast, the car wouldn't start
The train was really full, and his girlfriend had a boyfriend
The houses all the same, now here's the rain
Not falling but collapsing at his feet
Deep breath and he clocks on, raincoat on his arm
He wishes the hours would disappear
But the trip's in vain 'cause awaiting him
A lay-off notice and his severance pay
He shuffles back to the train again
You gotta love this city
You gotta love this city, love this city, you gotta love this city
You gotta love this city, love this city, you gotta love this city
Back home he lies in bed for days and days
Watching American television, smoking
And playing with himself ringing double-O double-5
Into town on Thursday night
The girls are pretty and the lights are bright
At least he loves his city
Holding court on Taylor Square proper was the man he could become
Lear's Fool is a bum now
With seven holy parcels by his side
You gotta love this city, love this city, you gotta love this city
You gotta love this city, love this city, you gotta love this city
He walks along the foreshore, he's got a bottle
And he's breathing with his city
It was busy everywhere he went
There was a crowd over the bay
And a fireworks display
It's all very strange for a Thursday night thought he
Then it dawns on him as a cracker explodes
And who the hell is he going to blame?
It dawns on him - the horror - we got the Olympic Games
You gotta love this city for its body and not its brain

And he screams My city is a whore, opened herself to the world
Jumped up and down in pastel shirts
And lathered up thinking about designs for T-shirts
You gotta love this city for its body and not its brain
It's more than he can take, and the stars' reflection breaks
'Cause you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it enjoy the view
You gotta love this city
He's had enough and he sinks to the bottom


I MAKE HAMBURGERS

My first customer was Megan
She came in for a hamburger with the lot - no meat
Hey that's a salad roll I said and we started going out
My second customer was Susan
she came in for Diet Pepsi morning tea
Each day and I said You don't need to be on a diet.
Do you wanna come out tonight?

I said I'll bring Gringo he's got a lot of money
And he'll take us to the bars where they've got a view.
He'll buy us all those beers they give it to you in bottles
They put lemon in the top it don't taste too bad I'm telling you
My third customer was Maria she came in for hot chips and sauce
More sauce she said. I said now you're talking
and she took me home to meet her mother
My fourth customer was Sandy she came in for nothing I could see except me
So it was I too, was eating a hamburger of sorts within an hour
I make hamburgers I get all the girls
and I take 'em out to dinner and I give 'em all a whirl
and If they work I keep 'em If they don't I keep 'em too
But I teach 'em all how to be dirty girls like you

Thursday, July 13, 2006

July 13, 2006: I'm a bit late for national cleavage day

I'm reminded of a story a mate of mine told me a while back.

ImageShe wears a suit to work, and the trend these days is for pants to hang from the hips.

ImageThe hazard in this is that when she sits down, a decent wedge of cleavage is exposed.


ImageOne time she was at a corporate lunch and she nabbed a colleague, who was leaning back in his chair, and targeting her gap with peanuts.



ImageShe got home that night and found that he had been a lot more successful then she had realised, when she pulled off her slacks and a shower of nuts bounced across the floor.